Tuesday, November 11, 2008

What Twisted Mind...

...created this monstrosity?:

This is "Clocky, the Alarm Clock," and he (she? it?) is pure satanic evil incarnate. The lovely folks over at MoMA - a museum with a $40 or $50 admit fee - have brought this to you in their infinite and malevolent wisdom.

What is it? Apparently, it's –
Now available in a chrome finish, Clocky is the alarm clock that can jump down from up to 3 feet and run away and hide if one does not get out of bed on time. After one snooze cycle, Clocky will roll and move around the room with randomly patterned alarm beeps –
That sounds...unspeakable. Nobody likes their alarm clock. I've broken a few myself, tossed my fair share off the dresser and on several occasions simply unplugged it and left it to die a slow and painful death. Man has been at odds with the alarm clock since its genesis.

But to put wheels on it? To let it run away? I have visions of this thing being subjected to brutal and repeated blows with a baseball bat, or in the more 'red-state' areas of the country simply being drilled repeatedly with a 9mm pistol.

Let me be perfectly clear here - buying this thing is an act of unspeakable masochism. Buying it as a present may actually be banned by the Geneva Convention.

So if there's anyone you really, really, really hate, and whose soul you would like to slowly erode - buy them Clocky, Alarm Clock of Death.

Because some things should never have been created.

1 comment:

jfarbeann said...

Your description of this made me laugh uproariously.

Still, you could've used this in Egypt, a place Americans use to do other things that are similarly banned by the Geneva Convention.